Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It truly is over

But I am strong and me and Amber WILL get through this. Just say prayers for us. We need them so much. Lynn will be leaving tonight and getting most of his things tomorrow. I will hopefully be able to stay in the house *maybe* until the first of the year. I really want to find some place to live before then. I just can't get over how calm he is, it is quite scary almost. My Mom is very upset and doesn't understand. I just hate it so for Amber. Lynn told me we are different people now and have been for a while and the love he felt for me is gone. I deserve so much better.

Thank you guys for being so supportive. I love you very much!

Monday, October 23, 2006

I thought it would last..

I know I have been a downer for a while now and I really miss all of my friends. :*( I could use alot of hugs and cheering up right now. Lynn told me yesterday he thinks we should both go seperate ways. He is confused once again like last time but this time I won't make excuses for him staying. I did tell him he broke my heart, once again. And if he leaves he can NEVER come back to me. We will only see each other for Amber's sake. I am crushed and have tried not to cry at work but the tears just fall from disappointment and my heart just aches. I know we have been distant lately and I just really chalked that all up to him working so much. But now I know the *real* reason. As many of you know this happened a few years back too and silly me took him back because he told me he could change. Yea right.
Why do I have to love such a selfish man? One that never really does anything at home. He complains when I ask for a little help around the house. He says I am negative all the time but doesn't see the real problem. It is HIM. His attitude affects me in a negative way. I see so many happy couples and think why can't that be me. Yes I know life isn't a bowl of cherries but is it too much to ask for a kiss, a simple touch of affection and yet I am expected to please him every night? To show him affection after he has a long day at work and comes home and does nothing. No thank you for supper, no talk about anything. Nothing.
This couldn't of happened at a more worse time. He does shit like this before Christmas ruining everything I wanted to do, holiday trips, enjoying time together by the fire, Christmas movies. He can only think of himself and his wants. He is depressed and yet never gets help for any of this. I mean I can only do so much but what do you do when trying to talk to your husband is like talking to a brick wall? It is useless. And that leaves me and Amber where? I am not going back to my Mom's. I will *try* to find a small apartment for us. God help us get through this all. I need so much strength. And Amber will too. My poor little girl gets her heart broke again too. She saw how sad I was yesterday. Going around the house blaming myself and crying and cleaning. I was a mad woman yesterday. Today I am solemn. Grieving for my 11 years of marriage that my husband tells me that wasn't very happy. This makes me feel miserable.
Thanks for listening to me, this truly helped me alot by getting just this much out.

Love u all.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

smart pug

This is so funny! Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Okay I am here if any of my blogger buddies are wondering. Things are slowly getting better between Lynn and I. All I have to say is it will take time. Plus my hormones lately don't help either. You see I go in out of bad and good moods all month long. My period never knows when it wants to show up so it plays on my emotions and moods. I hate it. Maybe it is time for a hysterectomy. Eeek. I really think I am going through early menopause, seriously. Anyone want to give that a thought?

I had a good weekend with my family. Lynn and I went to the mall on Friday night, got Amber one of her big presents. We also go the carry case and the Ninten dogs games to go with it. Might get her another too. And of course we got it in pink. She will be shocked. I want to buy her a student desk and few odds and ends. So she is halfway completed. I also did some Christmas shopping at the book fair here at work plus got my Mom a book and some candles for her birthday on Friday the 13th. Woo spooky. :) Hope she likes them.

Well better get to work, I have loads to work on. Have a good day everyone.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I don't know about Lynn..

we are having some marital problems once again that I won't go into detail here. But I am very depressed at the way things are going and it kills me. If it wasn't for Amber I would probably be having a mental breakdown. I try to stay strong for her and for myself. I just feel like he doesn't love me anymore that I am not who or what he wants anymore. When he gets off work he goes to see his friends and doesn't have much time for *us* anymore. We never do any family things together anymore. In fact Amber asked me the other day why isn't Daddy home more often? I just tell her he is working alot. Which he is but then soon after he will spend time with his friends instead of coming home. Do we really deserve this? My mind is wandering aimlessly today and the tears are puddles in my eyes. Good thing I only work until 12:30 today or I would be a mess. So please everyone say a prayer. Say a prayer for me and Amber. Love to you all.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Fall is upon us!

Happy October everyone! I hope you are having a great Monday so far. I have been a busy chick and I have lots more in store also.

I have been participating in a few swaps with some friends. I just sent out my swap for the Red and Turqoise swap and I recieved mine last week. My partner sent the lovelies of items. Sure wished I had a digi cam..boo..hiss. She made me a lovely quilted handbag, sent red buttons, blue and red m&m minis, red and blue pencils, red wax lips (too funny!), lots of fabric scraps, and a bunch more. The next swap I am in is the Halloween Goodie swap . And I am excited about this, I believe it is more or less Halloween candy. And last but not least I am in a Purple and Orange swap. Lots of fun ideas running around in my head on this one. I love xpx because so many of them are crafty with paper and I LOVE paper.

I am thinking of making some Halloween cards but not sure if I will get time or not. We are starting up our Girl Scout Troop soon. And yours truly is a Co-Leader this year. Woop! So I am busy trying to do some planner pages, anyone know of a good site to build planner pages or has forms that I can customize that doesn't cost anything? Mucho Gracias to anyone who can help me.

This weekend was busy with going to my Grandmother's with my Mom and Amber. We had a good time despite my feelings about them and theirs toward us. Then Saturday night Amber's friend Freddie spent the night so his Aunt could work. And then on Sunday we went to Stevie B's for one of Freddie's friends party. It was pretty good fun. And yummy baked potato pizza. Yum.

This weekend we have a family reunion (I think..lol) so we will be busy bees once again. Happy Monday everyone!